In my kindergarten days my teachers used to give us some one line proverbs and asked us to write it over and over again in-order to make us have some handwriting practice.My favourite amongst them was “Man is Mortal”, probably because it was the shortest but least did I realize the depth of the proverb at that time.Incidents in life make you realize why these lines are called proverbs ; I was on my way back to Rourkela some 4-5 days ago after painting my hometown red with my college friends.Having covered more than 3/4th of the journey I suddenly received a phone call from my sister which stung me like a bee,it froze every cord of my heart for the words I heard was “Badi Ma passed away”.I just could’nt react at that moment,acting practically I started discussing the trains that could take me back to Ranchi immediately.
I got down at the Rourkela station only to realize that I had a 7:20 pm train stationed right there at platform no.5 but what stings you at such times is “You are a female by gender ” and neither would your father nor your friends recommend you to board that train , for it would have been almost midnight by the time I reached my destination.I had one foot on the train and my father’s call stopped me from boarding it.I cursed myself for a couple of days for not having put my feet on that train.I wanted to see Badi Ma for one last time ,wanted to touch her feet once and take her blessings for my entire life ,wanted to have her protective arm around me for even a single moment . Humans are selfish and it is proved time and again ,even I chose my safety over my desire to see her last rites.I took the risk of catching the morning train even in such a critical state and it bombed .My train in the morning turned out to be late by almost 3 hrs and then I was shattered.
Sitting all by myself on the station at 4:30am I could’nt hold back my tears .I fought hard to keep them back for there was no one out there to pacify me.It all seemed like the three mistakes of my life done within a span of 12 hrs.The very first one being not receiving the information about her demise while still in Ranchi,the second one not boarding the 7:20pm train the previous night and the third one was that I did’nt check a 4:00am train that was available that morning .I prayed and hoped at every second for her delayed cremation for it was my deepest desire to have one glimpse of my beloved Badi ma.I even took an alternate decision,instead of waiting for the train I took the road without informing my family because I really really wanted to be there and none of them would allow me to take the risk but I took it.Call it my guts or my sentiments I took the call when offered .It was probably worth it if I could have reached in time but I could’nt.
It was this day in life that brought upon me the realization that whatever is destined to happen will happen,no matter how hard you try to change it. SRK’s dialouge of OSO of the entire universe getting involved in bringing to you your heartfelt desire completely failed in my case,more so because my father later told me he was ready to allow me to the funeral breaking all those traditions of not allowing females to the pyre if I reached in time for even that.
When I finally reached she was gone,and I am not just talking about her soul but also her body.All that was left of her were her ashes.With my eyes turing saline on entering her sombre household ,all I could do was hug my brother ,her eldest son and let my disappointment down.All he could say in his choked voiced was “your Badi Ma’s blessings are always with you all.”Some moments in life are so painful you actually have no words to describe them.
candidpraks 